“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.”– STEVEN WRIGHT
“When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”
“Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.”
“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”“
“Just because the voices only talk to me doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. You’re just a little too crazy for their taste.”
“I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed.”
“Thank you for leaving my side when I was alone. I realized I can do so much without you.”
Well my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems
I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?
Violence won’t solve anything. But it sure makes me feel good.
Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Some girls are made of sarcasm, wind, and everything fine.
Askhole. A person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them.
Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.
I don’t care what people think of me. At least mosquitoes find me attractive.
Don’t judge a book by its cover. Don’t judge a student by his percentage.
I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.
If you wrote down every single thought you ever had, you would get an award for the shortest story ever..
If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.
If I had to pay you a dollar for every smart thing you say, I’d save a lot of money.
Here let me drop what’s important to me and pay attention to you and all of your needs
I can’t be around people who take everything I say seriously. I’m not being mean, I’m just sarcastic as hell and I like to joke around. Why are you crying?
When I’m feeling down and someone says “suck it up”, I get the urge to break their legs and say, “walk it off”.
I have to stop saying how stupid you can be. Some people are starting to take it as a challenge.
If someone points at your black clothes and asks, whose funeral it is, you just look around the room, and answer, “haven’t decided yet.”
Come here you big, beautiful cup of coffee and lie to me about how much we’re going to get done today.
. I wish more people were fluent in silence.
I am in one of those moods where I just want to throw a book at someone’s face and be like: I facebooked you.
Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back.
Grammar. The difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.
I’m actually not funny I’m just mean and people think i’m joking
It’s going to be one of those days .
Being able to respond with sarcasm within seconds of a stupid question is a sign of a healthy brain.
Have you ever listened to someone for a while and wondered… “who ties your shoelaces for you?”
Mom, what’s it like to have the greatest daughter in the world? I don’t know dear… you’ll have to ask grandma
I am sorry, I didn’t realize that you’re an expert on my life and how i should live it! Please continue while I take notes
SARCASM: The ability to insult idiots without them realizing it .
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains is great news for you.
My life feels like a test I didn’t study for.
One day I intend to be a little person in a nursing home, that leads the rebellion and puts vodka in all the iv Bags!
When one door closes, another opens. Or you can open the closed door. That’s how doors work.
I love rumors. I always find out amazing things about myself I never knew.
There are two types of people in the world 1. People who understand and appreciate sarcasm . 2. Idiots
“Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.”
“It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.”-PAUL NEWMAN
“Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.”
” I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
“Well my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems”
“The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.”
“As the joker said, if you are good at something why do it for free.”
“A man can be happy with any woman, as long as he does not love her.”-OSCAR WILDE
The bad thing about being a famous comedian is that every now and then someone approaches me to tell an old joke. Don’t tell me jokes – I have that. People also say the weirdest things, sometimes sarcastic things, and even evil things. They like to provoke to get a reaction.–ROBIN WILLIAMS
For me and my entire generation, we took on this kind of sarcastic, ironic, SNEAKINESS because it seemed the most extreme reaction to the earnestness of hippies.-CHUCK PALAHNIUK
I didn’t even realize I was writing songs – I thought I was just being witty and sarcastic.–HALSEY
It’s fun to be sarcastic, but now I’m able to express myself in a way that’s much more sincere.CHRISTINA RICCI
Sometimes I say things that I think are obviously sarcastic and people take them quite literally.MEGAN FOX
The last thing I want my robot to be is sarcastic. I want them to be pragmatic and reliable – just like my dishwasher.–SEBASTIAN THRUN
Do you think it’s a good idea to be sarcastic about slavery?-ANGELA RYE
I’m a sarcastic, observational storyteller.–TOM SEGURA
I like Australia, but every time I’m there, I feel like everybody’s being sarcastic because everyone’s so nice. Banks
I’m kind of sarcastic. Not cynical but sarcastic.–GAL GADOT
My whole family is very sarcastic and constantly making jokes.–EMILY DESCHANEL
I’ve loved being the sarcastic chick, but I didn’t want to be her forever.–LIZZY CAPLAN
My mother was sarcastic and delightful and, trust me, quite remarkable.–KEVIN SPACEY
I can be sarcastic.–JUAN PABLO GALAVIS
I can be a very sarcastic person, and sometimes people take every word I say literally.–SASHA GREY
I don’t fancy myself as a very sarcastic person in real life.–REGGIE LEE
Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing.–JOHN ERSKINE
I like a guy who’s sarcastic, serious, sensitive – even just silent. But you have to do it at the right times. That’s sexy. To me, it reflects intelligence.–MORAN ATIAS
In my deepest parts of sadness, I’m always making a joke or being sarcastic.–LEA THOMPSON
Twitter is just full of silly little people enjoying being sarcastic and rude and mocking.–MICHAELA COEL
The Arabic music I listen to is extremely edgy. Ironic, sarcastic, sensual, erotic.–YASMINE HAMDAN
I can be very dry and sarcastic.– HAYDEN PANETTIERE
Colombian humor is very black, very sarcastic.–BARBET SCHROEDER